[28 Nov 2004|12:47pm] i am at work right now. ya i know, who would have guessed that a sandwhich shop owned a computer but ... we do. so anyways. i am on my break right now. and i dont feel like eating because, well, i just woke up this morning hating everything. and whenever you encounter a morning as melancholy as the one i experienced, food just doesnt suffice. i hate life. and whatever, everyone says it, maybe everyone means it, maybe noone does, but right now i am really sad. but it's okay. my four and half day weekend was very near decent. thanksgiving was the most rotten thing in the worl but i am over it. friday i wnet and saw the incredibles with chrys, marlee, and the siblings and it was nice. it was a pretty near decent movie and i enjoyed it. after, i had a lot of fun because marlee and chrystal and i drove out to salinas to get soem stuff. i got two really cool shirts for only like fourteen dollars and a pair of pants for 7 dollars and shoes for forty. oh and flip flops for 2 dollars. so it was successful. we went to in and out. it was tight because i got my "grilled cheese animal style" which NO, i did not invent the name, it really exists there and it is bomb as fuck. anyways... yesterday was bpb's birthday which was cool because early me and his parents set up his present and did some other shit for him. i love that fam. they are awesome awesome people and veronique's new born is the most god damn beautiful thing ever. kyle. so yeah... people came in and out of bob's. leo les, the boys, chrys nina jessie and sasha even showed up. and yes jessie, i am psychic! but i wont tell anyone, swear. robyn came and i was stoekd because i missed her and so i drove her car around. leo got his foot ran over... that was sad. but he was hammered so it was even funnier. b moch and bart were there. i enjoyed myself. tonight is sunday night... and it is just beginning to dawn on me how much in fact i really have to get done between now and tomorrow. it is going to be sheer hell but whatever... yeah... oh and i hate my family... all legs of them... by legs i mean to imply like branches or what hve you. they are all retarded. anyways/// they suck. and i wish they would all get over themselves... wait branches doenst correctly convey the thoguht i had hoped it would, but whatever... okay. i am done... I always catch the clock it's 2 :11 and now you want to talk

[25 Nov 2004|07:43pm] lucky that i was looking more toward the day after thanksgiving than to the actual day itself because, well, like most things it was less than impressive. the morning, the day, began with waking up at 5 45. i had planned on reprising my tradition of going to the monterey room at the fairgrounds to partake in the serving of food for this holiday. last year, though it had its times of non-movement and what have you, but the overall experience provided me with a feeling of giving back that i rarely experience. so it is nice, even today. a bunch of friends. i would get into the details that were my eight hour stay but i am sorry - i am not feeling so well... so anyways. i assumed the whole volunteering thing would somewhat infringe on my thanksgiving stay with the family but then iagain i also assumed that it would not prevent me from the actual tradition, if you will, of eating with them. i assume i should no longer assume. upon calling my father, around 2 30 ish, i asked if he would be available to pick me up in about twenty minutes to half an hour. as soon as the words "pick ... up" escaped my mouth, i could hear him getting ready to let in on me about being whatever terrible form of a child i was. he then told me "Jordan! I just sat down to eat thanksgiving dinner and you call me to pick you up!" . i must admit i was a little put off by the idea that he and the rest of my family had decided to eat without me. they were aware of the time in which my stay would finish so i didnt ASSUME it to be a large deal : again with assuming. but anyways. he picked me up forty five minutes laster and i ate thanksgiving dinner alone. my appetite was not exactly what it could have been given that when, well, you are all alone on thanksgiving with paltes of already pillaged food in front of you, you feel a little bit gluttunous(sp?) eating... hm so yeah... i am in love with death cab. and here they are: Styrofoam Plates Lyrics Artist(Band):Death Cab For Cutie Review The Song (0) Print the Lyrics Styrofoam Plates Lyrics 100% Legal MP3 Downloads Send Death Cab For Cutie polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone Get Paid For Your Opinion - $10 to $250! There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes; I threw them to the sea, but a gust blew them backwards and the sting in my eyes that you then inflicted was par for the course just as when you were living. It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father but the donor of seeds to a poor, single mother that would raise us alone. We never saw the money that went down your throat through the hole in your belly. Thirteen years old in the subsurbs of Denver, standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at the Catholic church. The servers wore crosses to shield from the sufferance plaguing the others. Styrofoam plates, cafeteria tables, charity reeks of cheap wine and pity and I'm thinking of you, I do every year when we count all our blessings and wonder what we're doing here. You're a disgrace to the concept of family. The priest won't divulge that fact in his homily and I'll stand up and scream if in the mourning remain quiet, you can deck out a lie in a suit. But I won't buy it. I won't join the procession that's speaking their peace, using five dollar words while praising his integrity. Just 'cause he's gone, it doesn't change that fact: he was bastard in life, thus a bastard in death. I always catch the clock it's 1 :11 and now you want to talk

[23 Nov 2004|06:56am] So... we are all moved into the new house holds my step sisters and my parents,the beginning of the downstairs holds my little brother and to get to mywing of the casa,one must venture through my little brothers room to the garage and then arrive at mine. and i have a living room, a mini kitchen, bathroom, and room. it's cool. but very lonely. and this is the point in my entry where i am supposed to begin on how wonderful everything is. becasue if i have noticed anything i my year on livejournal.com, it is that typically when one faces the same things over and over, the redundancy begins to severely affect them in awful ways. herego, a change of venue typically postpones the tedious redundancies for, oh say, a week. but i dont feel like that. this house doesnt seem like a home and neither did the last one. and i am guessing the symbolic nature that pereates through would have something to do with my mom or some bullshit like that, that is probably correct, but i dont know... there's not much else i can do in that neck of the woods. school is dumb. bonnie and i have talked about it, sparked by a teacher telling one of our firends "it is only second quarter and you already have senioritis? that is bad!" Bonnie and i proceeded to realize that we are only JUNIORS in our second quarter and we too have senioritis... that is bad i am assuming but whatever. eagle's calss is okay. she is amazing but she can be a 'tard at times - whatever. and when i say 'tard, i mean in no way to insinuate that ms. eagle is representative of the mentally handicapped people that the school has been given three million dollars to place ramps in our locale. and that is not a knock against anyone, we should be able to cater to all and any special needs that occur in school... only let's also cater to the fifteen year old books... that's just an idea though... anyways. i hate ap us history... we learn nothing. i ahve come to the conclusion that mr. hare's classs is nearrest to one of those college classes where you rarely attend, and when you do, it is simply to take tests... mr. hares PRIDES himself on his so called college curriculum, only i assume that in a real university, the "professor" would lecture himself, as opposed to buying a box set of Louis Maseur lectures - that man has the most god damned annoying voice ever. anywyays. chem is whatever. so is ceramics. so is espanola tres. math analysis is hard simply because it is math and that is okay. i willl earn to deal with it. i have been thinking about this person and maybe they are not too receptive but i guess we'll just see. i mean i have the perfect place now. i can have people over whenever i want... it would be nice if you came. I always catch the clock it's 1 :11 and now you want to talk

And it's the first one of the season... Don't smile, it makes your face look awkward [11 Nov 2004|09:31am] [ mood | drained ] Harsh... Ee... so it is definitely a Thursday but it is definitely morel iek a Saturday and i hate, hate, that confused, disoriented feeling. but that is okay. so yesterday was dumb. the night before, i had so much shit to study for, it wasnt even funny. but i studied and might have done reasonably alright on whatever exams i took yesterday - truth be told, i dont remember yesterday all that much... but right after school i had to strike to pg to pick up my hermanito and take him casa and then i had to dart to work as to not be late. and then i had to dart to mock trial and then, lina, becky and i went to jenny's for the pre=party extrav. so we went and there were like 10 peeps there, bonnie, gee, jenelle, michael b., linds b., sarah. lindsey and michael's party had started a little earlier but that was cool. we then went to the Holiday Inn for Autumn's party but by the time we got there, the woman at the front desk was definitely threatening to throw people out and call the cops so we drove to Cassanova... and people were there for a little and started leaving. lina, becky, ariel, gee, bonnie, jenny, and jenelle were planning on heading back to her houe since there were no parents... and we did... but apparently every one else knew that there were no parents there, too, and so they all met up at jenny's. by the time i had gotten to her house, there were about 20 people there. they were al lchill though so it was cool. and people were drinking, and smoknig and stuff . i was upset that i was going to have to drive home and had to pass up every single offer i received but that is what you get when you are sober driver. then more people started to show up and more.. and there were alot of people there... her house smelled like hardcore alcohol and bud... but we figure she has threee days to air the shit out of it. but then people started smilling drinks, lighting things on fire, breaking plants, and various other parts of the household. emily was cute and with a fat dip in her mouth single-handedly cleaned up almost everything. at about 11, someone broke jenny's table... like BROKE it...as in the legs came off... so we are going to have to fix that... i think if we dont, her parents may notice, lol. and so ariel just told everyone to leave and just like that... they were gone... we were afraid it would be like at kayti's were while they were leaving they like through shit at the walls and were hella pissed off but it wasnt like that so it turned out alright. me, minafo, jenny, gee, bonnie, jenelle, brittany cefalu, chris, isaac and tomas were there for a while... but slowly some poeple left, and others came or whatever. i left at probably 1 30 to go home because well it was a wednesday night for me and my eyes were closing. but yeah. it was pretty okay. I always catch the clock it's 2 :11 and now you want to talk

[05 Nov 2004|11:50pm] okay. so tonight was... emmaculate... for those of you who know why... well than yeah, you get where i am going. this has been a really stressful week and well it was nice to sum it up with a night like tonight... when i got off work i went to bobby's and motch, bart, and taylor were also there. we hung out for a while and then the hugo;s wanted us at carmel beach so we went. i never really hungo ut ever with robyn before but she is really cool and really sweet. yeah... so i am really happy now... like really really. i kept wanting to do it and get it over with and heather kept begging me to but yeah i didnt... i am retarded. but that's okay. tomorrow is going to be busy. i am not sure what i will do with myself... that's cool though... "well it's love, it's love, it's love," it hurts... so yeah... not much more/// tonite definitely made me happy. and now you want to talk

and when you hear my voice, i hope you still see my heart... [04 Nov 2004|10:20pm] As the saying goes, "I haven't updated in a while..." I am not sure why but i rarely ever ge tthe urge to inform anyone, or any journal, about my where a bouts and how i am doing lately. Fuck it. everything is stupid and i am slowly slipping into the mind state of a nihilist... mmm... School is horriffic... i am doing ridiculously shitty in almost all of my classes. when i get home, i never have the drive or motivation to even crack open a book to begin homework... and well it is just shitty... i feel shitty too... i am at one of those moments in my life where i feel as though i am being uite generic with respect to everything in my life. as far as school, friends, and family, i feel like i am cheating them or something, and it makes me feel like a really shitty person. but when one is so apathetic, how can anyone else ever except much mroe from than a hello? i dont know. i am an asshole... and people are beginning to think me a misanthrop. yeah that actually is pretty fucked up. i mean granted it is not mine to claim in the least, but as a friend, you should be able to identify that line and avoid crossing it. even if you ask me what i think about it, do you really expect me to be a completely blunt asshole and reply with a "yes you stupid fuck, i do mind. now back the hell off!!" i guess that one might extract a greater effect, but i am not down, nor have i ever been, for hard core dramatics... just like last season, my now thursday nights if i update, will be filled with a post show wrap uo of the o.c.. so for those of you tards who are unaware, the oc's new season began tonight. it was brilliant. all that i ahd expected with a little bit more. marissa, in the absence of ryan, has become a self-loathing alchie who sits below life guard watch towers and throws 'em back like there is no tomorrow. seth, fed up with the cliches and superficiality of orange county, decides after his only friend ryan leaves ,to embark on a sailing trip through the pacific. unfortunately, he didnt get too far before deciding to take a greyhound to florida where he meets up with luke. summer is still jaded but trying to recover from seth's spur of the moment departure from her, and the lack of explanation, be seeing another guy named Zach who i am guessing, since he wasnt even featured in the episode, means nothing. marissa's new step padre, Cal, is under investigation of the serious kind and may not be able to fund all of the elegant and lavish expenditures his new wife expects. haley and jimmy are still dating. and finally, ryan. ryan is living in Chino with pregnant/now current girlfriend, theresa. he works as a contruction worker and things seem to be okay. when sandy cohen, seth's dad, asks him to help bring seth back, ryan is reminded of his "home" in the oc, and cant help but flirt with the idea of returning. theresa sees that ryan is dying to see his family and friends again, and lies to him while he is in oregon visiting seth, and tells him she miscarried, and there is no reason to return to chino. that saddened at the unfortunate circumstances, ryan sees an opportunity to regain the semi-normality he once cherished in the over-amped orange county district. finally, at the end of the show much to sandy and kirstin's happiness, seth and ryan return to the house... oh george bush is gay as all hell. and i hate america for electing him. funny how the three states harboring the most intelligible people and schools are the ones whose electoral votes went to john kerry. i.e. california (standord), New york (do i need any examples? sarah lawerence, nyu, et cetera), and massachusettes (harvard, MIT, et cet.) ... correct me if i am wrong but most of the states that bush won were , how do you say, occupied by the more red necky type folks?? hmmm... well it's a good thing he was reelected. now he can fulfill all of the promises he made before his first term in his second... so i like you... definitely. "are you feeling it to?" haha/// bonnie drives. bomb! a and m fucked!!! what up with that... twice in the same night... for sure... the hugo's are hella tight... just thought i'd give a shout out... and now you want to talk

[21 Oct 2004|08:13pm] [ mood | sad ] so everything sucks... i dont know... it just does. but that's okay. everything sucks in the kind of... alright way as opposed to the mournful, emo way. the slow yet subtle realization you have hardly any friends is not a gracious one but rather a melancholy one. it is sad to imagine that people you invest hours of time with dont really enjoy themselves as evenly as yourself. hm... but what is there to do? nothing intrigues me anymore, not even you... well that's a lie but still.. you ge the idea... so i am definitely not looking forward to Halloween because, well, it is just going to be ridiculous. i have no friends to spend it with, no costume to enjoy it with, and no trick-or-treaters to come to my house and distract me... with? but anyways... and it's on a sunday... which is not exciting. okay... i am done. fuck this. I always catch the clock it's 1 :11 and now you want to talk

the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out... [17 Oct 2004|05:48pm] [ mood | melancholy ] So yeah... you have problems, i must not be the first to say, but thank God(?), i will no longer be apart of any of them... get help... you play the victim best, anyways. The PSATs were on Saturday... so i woke up relatively early in preparation. i went, they were dumb... whatever. then i wont home for a little, laid low and went to mark's house. that was cool because it was the first time i ahd been there in liek two weeks. we did the usual : watched tv, talked, listened to music, went to chipotle, et cetera. we were undecided about whether or not to go to the can but seeing as how almost everyone we knew was calling botho f us in wonderas to our attendance, we unanimously, yes between the both of us, decided it best to spent our last night of Fall Vacation at a lame ass dance comprised of drunks, under age nymphos, people who graduated YEARS ago (and i thought this was a high school dance...?), and our friends... some of whom are capable of filling in any of the above categories. But all in all, i would have regretted not going so what the hell? i got a bomb ass pay check for the two weeks of vacation, standard! so i have school tomorrow... and i dont want to go.. but then again i am somewhat excited about returning to Mrs. Eagle's class because well... it is just nice to learn things YOU feel applicable to every day life... or soemthing like that... i have got problems... and who doesn't? but still... i have problems... only Nina, at least as far as my knowledge extends, knows what i am about to talk about. But i am so ecstatic about this whole October thing. October invites the scents in the outdoors that i live through during the entire year. Mostly starting in october and going through the end of December, the outdoors and especially PG/Pebble Beach area, fosters a certain kind of smell... aroma if you will, that just makes me so content, i have trouble describing it. It smells almost liek inscence(sp?) and like logs burning... or something. it is jsut this warm scent that follows you everywhere... whether it is raining or even sunny, or whatever. not that anyone fucking cares, but i really do... i really do. oh. i want the new jimmy eat world album dropping oct. 19... I always catch the clock it's 3 :11 and now you want to talk

some people say it better than myself... [15 Oct 2004|12:37am] [ mood | lonely ] I felt for sure last night At once we said goodbye No one else will know these lonely dreams No one else will know that part of me Im still driving away And Im sorry every day I wont always love these selfish things I wont always live... Stop it... It was my turn to decide I knew this was our time No one else will have me like you do No one else will have me, only you Youll sit alone forever If you wait for the right time What are you hoping for? Im here and now Im ready Holding on tight Dont give away the end The one thing that stays mine Amazing still it seems Ill be 23 I wont always love what Ill never have I wont always live in my regrets Youll sit alone forever If you wait for the right time What are you hoping for? Im here and now Im ready Holding on tight Dont give away the end The one thing that stays mine Youll sit alone forever If you wait for the right time What are you hoping for? Im here and now Im ready Holding on tight Dont give away the end The one thing that stays mine... I always catch the clock it's 2 :11 and now you want to talk

[14 Oct 2004|12:03pm] Um ya so... oh i talked to mark last night. that was cool... only because i havent talked to him in a year and a half... but oh well.. i dont ahve much to write... i suppose i should return when i do? and now you want to talk

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